How to reconnect with friends
4 Steps To Bridge The Covid Gap
Feeling the effects of COVID Isolation on your friendships?
2020 has been a year of adjustments, not least of which is learning to live without close human interaction. Taking a brief look at the headlines, it’s hard not be alarmed about the impact this is having on our health:
And this is only a small sample of the headlines currently dominating news cycles.
So what can we do about it?
One very important finding in recent years has been that having close friendships can have a truly massive impact on your happiness, mental health and even your immune system.
However, for most of us, we don’t have the formal structures in place to help support our friendships when we’re forced to stay at home. So, in order to provide some tips in this unprecedented time, we’ve prepared a few practical steps you can follow that we hope can help get you back on track, connected and in a position to support yourself and your friends through thick and thin:
- Be Intentional
- Don’t shy away from big topics, and be ready to listen
- Be consistent
- Set a shared goal
We’ll spend the rest of the article discussing these points in some more detail.
Be Intentional
Lots of friendships run on auto-pilot, just coasting along from one catch up to the next. Pre-Covid, this was probably fine because you’d find opportunities to spend time with one another as part of your normal routine. However, now that there are substantially fewer opportunities for shared experiences it’s time to step up your game and be deliberate about getting in contact with friends.
There are lots of ways you can kickstart this behaviour. We’ll list three of our favourites here:
- Write down the names of seven family and friends. Each day for the next week, make a point of sending a text message to one of them. Not only is one a day totally manageable, but it’ll do you a world of good as well.
- Start a movie club. At the beginning of every week, choose a movie you’re all going to watch that week. Not only will this give you something light and easy to talk about, but if you rotate who chooses the movie you’ll be able to learn a bit about your friends tastes as well!
- Sign up to Elephants. Every week your friends will be prompted to update their progress on their goals and aspirations. By commenting on important updates, you’ll not only be offering support and encouragement in tough times, but you’ll also be helping improve outcomes for one another as well.
Don’t shy away from big topics, and be ready to listen
On top of normal day to day life stress, lots of people are now dealing with huge issues like changes to their mental and physical health, job stability, financial security and potentially even the loss of someone close to them.
But how are you meant to know when someone needs your help? The answer is relatively straightforward, but putting it into practice can be hard.
To start out, a sentence like “How are you doing? I’m a little worried about you” can be all the prompt someone needs to open up. Let them know you’re asking because you care about them, and no matter what’s happening you have the time to listen.
Once you’ve asked the question, don’t rush into answering it yourself or interrupt. It’s a big question and your friend might need some time to gather and collect their thoughts before they explain what’s going on. Remember, it’s totally normal to have periods of being up and down, so entering this conversation judgement free will be important.
Come what may, remember you’re there to listen, support, and encourage.
[If you are worried about a friends safety, seek advice from professionals immediately]
Be consistent
Being consistent with your friends is about more than staying in touch regularly (although that is important). When we talk about consistency, what we mean is both predictable behaviour and good communication. In tandem, consistency has been proven to lead to longer, more successful relationships.
So lets break those two elements down:
What is predictable behaviour?
Whilst it’s probably not very cool to be the opposite of spontaneous, the reality is that most of us are creatures of habit. And that’s OK! Sharing your behaviours with your friends is a great way for them to better understand you, which ultimately builds trust. The other part of predictability is doing what you say you will do, also known as accountability. If you commit to something with someone, make sure you follow through.
Accountability is super important in times where you can’t have regularly scheduled catch ups, because your actions will serve as a connective tissue to pick up on the next time you speak. Not only will it give you something to talk about, but it will help your friend establish you as someone who can be relied upon.
What does good communication mean?
A great way to practice your communication skills and build consistency is by sharing thoughts and opinions on a wide range of topics (something Elephants helps facilitate).
Not only will this be beneficial to your friend in helping them to better understand you, but it will also establish you as someone who genuinely cares about them as well. Trust and communication runs both ways, and being able to clearly communicate on topics that are important to you is a foundational element of establishing (or strengthening) a close relationship.
Set a shared goal
In a study from Ghent University, researchers found that when people were working towards a group goal, they became fantastic communicators. Whether its because communication is necessary to solve the shared challenge, or a clear understanding about what everyone is working towards removes barriers is unclear — but what is clear is that goals are excellent facilitators of substantive communication.
When thinking about goals you can set with your friends, think about areas of your life where both you and your friend are likely to be invested in a positive outcome. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy; it could be as simple as hitting 10,000 steps a day for a week, or being the first one on the Zoom call each day. But whatever it is, make sure it’s clearly understood, time bound and achievable. You’ll pretty quickly find you have a reason to stay in touch.
Times are definitely tough, but by taking the first step towards intentionally and deliberately working on your friendships, you’ll be on a path to living a healthier, and happier life.
Elephants (www.elephants.group) is a private place where small groups of close friends share goals, chat freely and celebrate achievements.
Follow us on Twitter @Elephants_Group
